Perfectionism is a subconscious program that makes you think everybody else should adhere to your high standards.
Sound familiar?
For example, do you expect your partner to be perfect and judge them harshly when they fall short? How many times have you sabotaged a relationship because there were one or two things about your partner that really irritated you?
There is nothing wrong with having high standards, strong values or ambitious goals. But when your ideals become an expectation that everything must be perfect, perfectionism can seriously diminish your enjoyment of life.
Most of us want to achieve excellence in certain areas of our lives. Striving for excellence is a positive quality that can contribute to success and fulfilment.
The problem begins when perfectionist tendencies are accompanied by shame, guilt, humiliation or embarrassment. At that point, it’s worth asking why you need everything to be perfect.
Otherwise, perfectionism can prevent you from appreciating the moment as it is. It can also damage your relationships with partners, friends and colleagues.
So why are you a perfectionist?
And is perfectionism a healthy trait — or a destructive one?
In this article, we’ll explore what perfectionism is, how it manifests, the traits and conditions associated with it, and how excessive perfectionism can affect your wellbeing.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a personality trait associated with striving to be flawless and often involves being critical of imperfections (Flett & Hewitt, 2002). Although perfectionism can be a healthy motivator in moderation, excessive perfectionism can increase stress and reduce the likelihood of achieving your goals.
Distinguishing between healthy, or adaptive, perfectionism and unhealthy, or maladaptive, perfectionism can therefore help you to understand whether your high standards are helping you or holding you back.
There are two main categories of perfectionism:
- perfectionist striving
- perfectionist concerns
Perfectionist striving involves pursuing flawlessness and setting high personal standards (Stoeber & Otto, 2006; Gade, Schermelleh-Engel & Klein, 2017).
Perfectionist concerns, by contrast, involve critically evaluating yourself and your performance against those high standards (Gade, Schermelleh-Engel & Klein, 2017).
A perfectionist may therefore strive for an exceptional result while simultaneously worrying that the result will not be good enough.
Experts associate perfectionist striving with the pursuit of success, which can produce positive outcomes such as improved performance and greater self-efficacy (Slade & Owens, 1998).
Perfectionist concerns are different. They are associated with fear of failure, which can lead to worry and stress (Slade & Owens, 1998).
The balance between these two dimensions can therefore determine whether perfectionism is adaptive or maladaptive.
What Is Maladaptive Perfectionism?
Maladaptive perfectionism is characterised by elevated perfectionist concerns.
This can involve excessive preoccupation with past mistakes, repeatedly questioning whether you will achieve your goals, fearing failure and worrying about letting other people down.
It can also mean becoming fixated on minor details and allowing them to affect your mood disproportionately.
If you can’t get your hair to look right, for example, you might fixate on how you look and allow it to ruin your entire evening.
These negative emotions can become particularly intense when dealing with things outside your control.
While adaptive perfectionism can help you achieve your goals, maladaptive perfectionism can contribute to significant stress and anxiety (Smith et al., 2018).
If left unchecked, it can undermine your chances of success while gradually eroding your self-esteem and confidence.
Perfectionist Traits
Some common characteristics of perfectionism include:
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Everything is either perfect or a failure. If you notice even a minor mistake, you may regard the entire result as a disappointment.
Unrealistic Standards: Perfectionists can set extremely high standards for themselves and others. As a result, they become highly sensitive to flaws and mistakes and judge everything against an ideal that may be impossible to achieve.
Interpreting Mistakes as Failures: A maladaptive perfectionist can interpret an individual mistake as evidence that they have failed rather than as a normal part of learning and development.
Worry About Failure: Perfectionists may strive for excellence while simultaneously worrying that they will fail to achieve it. Because their standards may be unrealistic, perfection becomes impossible to reach.
Tunnel Vision: When perfectionists become focused on the possibility of failure, everything else can become insignificant.
Focus on Outcomes: Perfectionists can become so focused on achieving the desired result that they disregard the journey. If they fail to reach their goal, they may regard the entire experience as a failure.
Excessive Criticism: Unreasonably high standards can make perfectionists highly critical of themselves and other people.
Difficulty Dealing With Criticism: Perfectionists may struggle when criticised and become defensive rather than seeing criticism as useful feedback.
Procrastination and Avoidance: Perfectionism can prevent people from taking action if they don’t feel ready to produce a result they consider perfect. Learning a new skill can also become frustrating when mastery doesn’t come quickly. As a result, they may abandon new pursuits or avoid certain tasks altogether because of their fear of failure.
How Does Being a Perfectionist Affect Wellbeing?
Adaptive perfectionism can contribute to achievement, satisfaction and fulfilment.
Maladaptive perfectionism, however, can do considerably more harm than good.
Why?
Because excessive perfectionism involves holding yourself — and often other people — to unreasonably high standards. You create an ideal world or scenario in your mind, and that ideal becomes the standard against which reality is judged.
Idealism and perfectionism are unhealthy traits of the Sage archetype, an energy that emerges when you’re judged and criticised from a young age.
You, therefore, develop a view of the world that seeks to eliminate flaws. Your fixed beliefs determine how you think things should be because this is how you believe things ought to be.
The constant drive for excellence can also contribute to chronic stress and anxiety. Chronic stress is associated with adverse health outcomes, including high blood pressure, increased resting heart rate, digestive problems, appetite changes and a weakened immune system (McEven, 1998).
It can also contribute to irritability, fatigue, insomnia, emotional outbursts and loss of libido (McEven, 1998).
Excessive perfectionism can leave you chronically dissatisfied with your life. When you repeatedly fail to meet your own expectations, you may eventually begin to feel that nothing you achieve is good enough.
For some people, this can contribute to feelings of depression.
Overcoming Perfectionism
Adaptive perfectionism can certainly help us become high achievers.
Unfortunately, maladaptive perfectionism can take over our lives, leaving us anxious, frustrated and miserable.
The good news is that perfectionistic patterns can be changed.
Here are some strategies that may help:
Set attainable standards. Aiming high is worthwhile, provided your goals are realistic. Ask yourself whether the standards you have set are genuinely achievable. If they are impossibly high, you are effectively setting yourself up to fail.
Be flexible. Rigid thinking can ruin an experience for you and for the people around you. Learning to adapt allows you to respond to whatever life puts in front of you and adjust your expectations when circumstances change.
Reframe the way you perceive mistakes. Mistakes and mishaps happen regardless of how careful, prepared or hard-working you are. Rather than treating mistakes as evidence of failure, try viewing them as opportunities to learn and grow.
Get help. Sometimes we cannot change deeply established behavioural patterns on our own. You may benefit from understanding which archetypal energies are contributing to your perfectionism. The archetypes tool can also help you recognise and regulate the negative thoughts and emotions associated with maladaptive perfectionism.
A Perfect Life Coaching Program?
The Libera Mente self-development program may not be perfect, but it’s as good as I can make it right now.
Let’s face it: none of us are 100% perfect all the time. We’re as good as we are in the moment.
But what I think gives the Libera Mente life coaching program the edge, is the archetypes model.
Archetypes are patterns of personality traits. The archetypes tool helps you to identify traits that are causing problems in your life, what the emotional wound is behind it and solutions to help you heal, grow and thrive.
It’s almost a perfect system. But then, what is perfect?
Sign up for the Libera Mente life coaching program today. Alternatively, contact Rich using the contact form below to schedule a free 30-minute discovery session.
References
- Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2002). Perfectionism and maladjustment: An overview of theoretical, definitional, and treatment issues. In G. L. Flett & P. L. Hewitt (Eds.), Perfectionism: Theory, research, and treatment (pp. 5–31). American Psychological Association.
- Gade, J. C., Schermelleh-Engel, K., & Klein, A. G. (2017). Disentangling the common variance of perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns: A bifactor model of perfectionism. Frontiers in psychology, 8, 160.
- Slade P. D., Owens R. G. (1998). A dual process model of perfectionism based on reinforcement theory. Behav. Modif. 22 372–390.
- Smith, M. M., Vidovic, V., Sherry, S. B., Stewart, S. H., & Saklofske, D. H. (2018). Are perfectionism dimensions risk factors for anxiety symptoms? A meta-analysis of 11 longitudinal studies. Anxiety, Stress, & Coping, 31(1), 4-20.
- Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and social psychology review, 10(4), 295-319.