If you feel that you were harshly judged as a kid, there’s a good chance you have a fear of criticism as an adult.
Here’s the litmus test: Do you find yourself making excuses to not do something where there is a risk of failure, rejection or humiliation?
Boom!
Join the club.
A fear of criticism can prevent you moving forward in life. When a subconscious program detects a risk of failure, the Emotional Brain can:
- prevent you from taking action
- resist making changes and
- decide not to pursue the things you genuinely want.
That avoidant behaviour could be rooted in a fear of criticism. [1]
The fear of criticism surfaces from my unconscious quite frequently, although thankfully not as much as it used to.
There was a period that spanned about two years when my imagination would play a scene in my mind: I was either sat round the dinner table with my family, and the cousins, aunt of and uncle on my father’s side.
This is the critical side of the family. Well educated. Asleep. They don’t often accept my view of the world.
In the imaginary role-play, I find myself defending my views. Sometimes a similar scene would appear when I was in a courtroom, in the dock, standing before a judge.
Since I started taking charge of my decisions by taking decisive action, the scenes have disappeared from my imagination.
Now, I just get actual criticism from my family. The difference now is that I know what I am talking about, and they don’t. I have done the research. They haven’t.
Consequently, I feel more secure in myself and with my opinions because I know they are grounded in evidence that can be substantiated.
Ultimately, I have much more control over my fear of criticism because I don’t allow it to hold me back in the same way I used to.
Although I must admit, I still have moments of hesitation and procrastination.
Up until a couple of years ago, however, I experienced what I would describe as criticism anxiety.
Criticism anxiety is an obstacle. It prevents you from getting where you want to be because it stops you from even trying.
Instead, you make excuses for not taking action. There is always a reason that you rationalise in your mind as a barrier. Some barriers are real, but could still be overcome if you find a way around them.
Other barriers are pure imagination, an unrealistic outlook the mind has created to protect you from suffering any emotional pain.
What you will notice is that none of the excuses your mind creates for you is that you’re afraid.
You have to admit that yourself.
What is Fear of Criticism?
Fear of criticism, or “criticism anxiety”, is an irrational and excessive fear of being judged, evaluated or criticised by other people.
Someone experiencing this fear may feel extremely anxious, insecure or vulnerable when receiving criticism or negative feedback. Even when that feedback is constructive or well-intentioned.
The fear of criticism can have several consequences, including avoidance of social situations, difficulty expressing yourself, low self-esteem, and feelings of isolation and loneliness.
It can also hinder personal and professional growth. You may avoid taking risks, expressing your ideas or trying something new simply because you want to avoid the possibility of being criticised.
In some cases, criticism anxiety can also contribute to depressive moods and insomnia. [2]
Social media — and mainstream media in general — can intensify criticism anxiety. It increasingly seems difficult to share thoughts and opinions without receiving criticism or negative feedback.
Like many people, I used to find this challenging. Now I recognise that you simply cannot please everyone because we all see the world differently.
Everybody’s opinions is shaped by the information and experiences they have had. Opinions are nothing more than snapshots of life.
Consequently, a large and diverse audience will naturally produce a wide range of opinions.
That doesn’t excuse social media users from being rude or mainstream media from being ignorant, of course.
But that’s another matter.
And if you are posting hurtful and aggressive comments anonymously on social media, you have a serious problem to examine.
Trolling says more about what is going on inside you than it does about the person you’re attacking.
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Fear of criticism can also develop into avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). This condition is characterised by hypersensitivity to criticism or rejection, which can lead to pervasive patterns of social inhibition.
People with AVPD often have low self-esteem, which can make it difficult to form close relationships. They may feel inadequate or inferior to other people and regard themselves as socially incompetent.
The overriding fear associated with AVPD is being ridiculed, humiliated, disliked, rejected, embarrassed or considered unappealing. People with the condition may be reluctant to talk about themselves or reveal their likes and interests because they fear being mocked or having their opinions dismissed. [3]
They may also worry that their perceived social incompetence will make them look foolish. To avoid these negative experiences, they may avoid situations that could potentially trigger them. [4] Ibid
What are the Causes of Criticism Anxiety?
The psychological causes of criticism anxiety can be complex and multifactorial.
These patterns typically develop during childhood, although they can emerge at any point in life if self-esteem becomes eroded.
When a person is criticised repeatedly, experiences of rejection and inadequacy can create a growing sense of vulnerability and undermine self-esteem.
You can see how easily the school system can begin to instil a fear of criticism from a young age.
You were in an environment where your performance was judged, so you started judging yourself against everybody else.
Boom!
A subconscious program to judge and be judged is seeded. Welcome to the rest of your life judging people to silence your inner critic.
Social conditioning and cultural expectations can also influence how we perceive criticism and feedback.
Negative thinking patterns, such as perfectionism, can make people particularly vulnerable to criticism anxiety.
Perfectionism creates pressure to perform perfectly. As a result, feedback can be interpreted as a personal attack rather than an opportunity to learn and grow.
Children who develop an intense fear of criticism can naturally become defensive when they are mocked or humiliated by their peers.
Your defensive mechanisms are on red alert during adolescence because you’re increasingly conscious of your self-image.
Rejection can also leave people feeling marginalised. This can be particularly significant for children who experience emotional neglect during their early years.
Abandonment issues may persist until they are recognised and addressed.
The fear of criticism is associated with the Creator archetype — also known as the artist. In the archetypal world, as in the real world, creators must be prepared to expose themselves to criticism.
When fear of criticism prevents you from moving forward, you’re not creating anything in your life.
On the contrary, you become stagnated, void of imagination and foresight. When the flow of life comes to a standstill, you feel stuck, impotent, and lost.
What are the Effects of Stagnation on Mental Health?
Stagnation — the absence of growth or progress — can have a negative impact on mental health. Feelings of worthlessness can intensify when you feel that you’re not making progress towards your goals or living up to your potential.
As you will learn in the Libera Mente life coaching program, Beyond The Comfort Zone, a lack of self-worth is a major contributor to anxiety and depression.
Feelings of worthlessness can become even more pronounced when you lack purpose and meaning in your life.
Criticism anxiety that develops during childhood can therefore become a precursor to debilitating anxiety and depression in adulthood.
I first noticed my anxiety at 14, although I didn’t understand that it was anxiety at the time. The likelihood is that it had been developing underneath the surface for several years before physically making itself known.
Anxiety can be understood as a warning sign that your neural networks are lacking information that enables you to adapt to life.
Some of your archetypes are not fully developed. Anxiety is a natural response when the Emotional Brain perceives a potential threat for one reason or another.
In the case of criticism anxiety, the potential threat is failure, rejection or humiliation.
Subsequently, you’re afraid to live because you don’t know how to live. However, if you have access to the qualities the archetypes give you, it is possible to live a healthy, vibrant and fulfilling life.
For example, developing your Creator archetype can help you to express yourself more freely by voicing your opinions.
Overcoming the fear of criticism builds confidence and addresses feelings of low self-worth.
Mindset Strategies To Overcome a Fear of Criticism
How you respond to criticism from the external world is largely a matter of mindset. If you’re prone to self-criticism, however, that is an entirely different issue, which I will come to in the next section.
Here are several mindset strategies you can use to overcome your fear of criticism and move forward with greater confidence.
Evaluate the Criticism
Not all criticism is justified.
Sometimes people criticise others because they want to cause emotional pain. They may simply be projecting their own pain onto you.
Hurtful criticism can be ignored for what it is — a reflection of the criticiser’s own weaknesses. Feel compassion for the person if you can, rather than taking their words on as your own pain.
At other times, criticism may be invalid, unnecessary or disrespectful. Again, this can be projection, but it can also simply be the result of ignorance.
As Carl Jung pointed out, some people base their opinions on judgements they have never properly examined or internalised.
Opinions are largely based on the information we absorb from our environment. [5]
Then there are times when criticism is valid.
In these circumstances, use criticism as fuel to learn and grow. Sometimes the change required is as simple as changing your attitude or mindset towards something.
Let me put it this way: if you’re being triggered by criticism you receive on social media, you may be doing yourself more emotional harm than the other person ever intended.
They may be weak-minded, wounded or simply in need of educating in the art of diplomacy and communication.
A simple change in mindset can protect you from unnecessary emotional pain while also allowing you to learn and grow. Evaluate whether criticism is justified and decide carefully whose criticism you’re prepared to accept as constructive.
Reframing
Reframing is a useful strategy for overcoming a fear of criticism.
As mentioned above, viewing criticism as an opportunity to receive feedback and improve can have positive outcomes. At the same time, recognising that other people may be projecting their own issues can prevent you from taking criticism personally.
Focus on Your Values and Goals
When you know your Truth, it becomes clear what is important to you, what you believe is right and what you want to achieve.
Keep faith in your Truth and focus on your values and goals.
When you can do this, criticism becomes far less important.
Take Action Despite Fear
Don’t allow fear of criticism to stop you from taking action towards your goals.
Take small steps. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes or face criticism. The mindset strategies above will help you develop the resilience to deal with it.
And the more you practise something, the better you become. Eventually, you may find that criticism is replaced by praise.
Practise Self-Compassion
Whether you’ve made a mistake or are habitually self-critical, try not to be too hard on yourself.
First, it is okay to make mistakes.
Second, mistakes allow us to learn and grow.
As Thomas Edison noted during his quest to develop the light bulb:
“I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
~ Thomas Edison
If you do make a mistake, treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would give to a friend. Don’t allow your superego to indulge in negative self-talk.
It’s also important to understand that self-compassion is not about being self-indulgent or blindly positive in order to dismiss criticism. Self-compassion means treating yourself with respect — the same respect you would show to a friend without a second thought.
If you can do this for a friend, why not do it for yourself?
If you are self-critical, there could be another reason.
Self-criticism may not simply be a “habit” you picked up from your parents or something you “inherited in your genes.”
What About Self-Criticism?
Let’s go back to my mental role-play.
The judge and family jury.
Persistent fantasies about being judged are archetypal complexes showing me that I was not in control of my destiny because I was not making decisions for myself.
Or rather my Thinking Brain wasn’t. The Thinking Brain is the neocortex, which is responsible for logic, reason and rationale.
It was my Emotional Brain that was making my decisions. And the Emotional Brain prefers to keep you locked into your bubble of comfort where it feels safe.
The Emotional Brain might think, if you don’t do anything, you won’t fail. If you don’t socialise, nobody will humiliate you or criticise your opinions.
Irrational thoughts are coded by your Emotional Brain. When you stay rooted in your comfort zone, you allow the fear of criticism to hold you back.
Fear of criticism puts your future in jeopardy.
A judge in real life, after all, is an authority figure who has the power to make decisions that affect somebody’s future. For me, the courtroom represented a frightening place to be.
In archetypal terms, a judge relates to the Sage. The Sage can be hypercritical — much like Sigmund Freud’s concept of the superego.
In Freud’s model of the psyche, the superego represents an internalised authority that evaluates and judges the ego.
Self-criticism is another way of understanding the judge or Sage archetype. The instinctive Self is not happy with the choices the ego has been making — which also means that the ego has authority over the Self.
It should be the other way around, as I explained in this article on the Self-ego axis, the three voices in your head.
When you allow your ego to make all your life choices, the unconscious aspect of your nature can, in Jung’s words, “rebel”.
An archetype in rebellion can be problematic.
“There is an autonomous inner directiveness, separate from the ego and often antagonistic to it. Such an awareness is sometimes releasing and sometimes exceedingly burdensome.”
~ Edward Edinger, Ego and Archetype, p.97 (1992)
I later adapted this scene into a role-play that I had more control over.
Or, more precisely, my unconscious brought up a new scenario for me to consider.
In this new scenario, I am being interviewed by a mainstream media journalist who is criticising my view of the world. Alongside her is an “expert” condemning my ideas.
But as the conversation develops — through active imagination — I recognise that the “expert” does not have any ideas of their own and that their worldview is narrow.
The comments and opinions are soundbites echoing the thoughts of others. They are not evidence that has been compiled into a cohesive and understandable picture.
This is my Creator archetype informing me to stay true to what I believe and not be persuaded by other people’s opinions or criticism, regardless of how authoritative they profess to be.
When you know your own Truth, it becomes easier to accept that other people are entitled to their opinions. Everyone sees the world from a different perspective.
And that is what the fear of criticism essentially boils down to.
It is your perception of what other people think about you and your opinions.
Never take criticism personally. At least, try not to.
Instead, adopt the mindset that criticism can be an opportunity to improve yourself or broaden your perspective on a subject.
Otherwise, criticism may simply be projection or a matter of opinion. Neither is necessarily worth getting upset about.
Your primary consideration should be who you choose to accept criticism from.
And if the Self is the criticising agent, take a close look at whether the life choices you’re making are genuinely in your best interests and helping you move forward.
Life Coaching
If you identify with criticism anxiety and recognise you have a fear of criticism, release yourself the shackles of your Emotional Brain and learn how to take decisive active.
You can learn about all the archetypes that hold you back, and drive you forward in the Libera Mente life coaching program Beyond The Comfort Zone.
The program reveals the parts of your personality that create obstacles and show you the archetypal qualities you can adopt to overcome the problems you are encountering. The archetypes model makes it easier for you to identify why you are experiencing problems and to identify solutions.
Alternatively, get in touch with Rich on the contact form below to discuss solutions for overcoming your fear of criticism.
References
1 Avoidant Personality Disorder — ScienceDirect
3 https://www.msdmanuals.com/home/mental-health-disorders/personality-disorders/avoidant-personality-disorder#:~=Avoidant%20personality%20disorder%20is%20characterized,they%20may%20experience%20such%20reactions
[4] Ibid
[5] Carl Jung, CW6, Psychological Types, p.453, (1923)